A Mixed Tape Love Song for Scott

(in his own words)

I’m here, I’m here, not heroic but I try.
I’ve got this disease and I’m just rattling through life.
I’ll stow away my greys in a padlocked case, in a padlocked room.
I don’t care if I’m lonely; it feels like home.
The loneliness and the scream to prove to everyone that I exist.
And while I’m alive, I’ll make tiny changes to earth.

I am ill, but I’m not dead; I’m not sure which of those I prefer.
I’m working on my faults and cracks,
I think I need a lick of paint,
Still not giving up though.
Come find me now where I hide
If blood is thicker than concrete, all is not lost.

Though the corners are lit, the dark can return with the flick of a switch.
I woke up hurting,
All I am is a body adrift in water, salt and sky.
An open mouth screams and makes no sound
In a hollow chapel suffering in silence.

I can’t unsink the things I’ve sunk.
Over the edge, I can’t stop myself.
Fully clothed, I’ll float away
Down the Forth, into the sea.
When it’s all gone, something carries on.

This is the last song,
This is the last song.

Butterflied arms, tell me that this one has flown.
You’re the choir that sings this otherwise disappointing life back to life
Forgive me, I can’t…