Reflections on a Life That’s Good

Well, it wasn’t by the fire light, it was at an intersection by my local Trader Joe’s. And it was morning not night when I saw an old flame (for lack of a better term). He didn’t see me, so there was no interaction. But that singular moment presented me with a reminder that I have a pretty good life despite my frequent attempts to convince myself otherwise. Seeing this person and the road I could have traveled, I felt instinctively lucky to be on the road I am on and not on that other road. It was an odd feeling because I often lament the misfortune that seems to populate my days much like earthworms on a sidewalk after a rain.

No, none of my dreams have come easy. In fact, I’m hard pressed to think of anything that’s come easy to me. Even in high school when I earned a 4.66 GPA, I worked hard for that. It never came easy. This summer I’m not traveling, mostly because I have no one to travel with, and I feel like a failure. If comparing oneself to others was an Olympic sport, I not only would deserve a gold medal but I’d also own all world records. People always run faster times than I do. People have publishing deals that I don’t. And don’t get me started on social media…everyone seems to be having a better life than I am. But here’s the thing: I’ve done all that I could. I haven’t quit or stopped living because my life isn’t what I thought it would be or what I wanted it to be. I’m not in a corner crying about what I don’t have. I’m living. I’ve run a marathon (twice, in fact). I’ve written a novel that’s been published, and people have loved it. I own a condo that’s blocks from the beach. I’ve experienced that beautiful moment in the sunshine when the golf club hits the golf ball in just the right spot and sends it soaring with power into the clear blue sky.

Four wheels to get there
Enough love to share
And a sweet, sweet, sweet song

And it’s not just accomplishments. I feel blessed to have basic necessities. I have a car to get me where I need to go. I have money for groceries, even the expensive kind at Whole Foods. I have a roof over my head. And the love. I have so much love in my life. My family may not be huge–there’s just my brother, my mom, and me (now)–but I have all the love I need. I’ve been playing golf this summer with my mom and her friends who have welcomed me into their group. My brother is always waiting for me at the end of a race with a water and a chocolate milk (in case they run out by the time the ‘middle-of-the-pack’ runners like me finish). And Mr. Darcy. My sweet, sweet Mr. Darcy. He came into my life right before my dad passed away. He’s a treasure that I truly believe was a gift from God. I have friends who support me, and I’m blessed with a wonderful set of coworkers. And I have music. There’s never a moment that’s too dark that can’t be illuminated by a song. I’ll never be lost as long as I have music.

At the end of the day
Lord I pray
I have a life that’s good

I could have given a lot of this up or at the very least let a lot of this fade into obscure shadows in the backdrop of my days had I set off on this other path with an old flame. And for a long time, I’d felt as though I missed out, that I was the loser somehow. But in that moment, waiting to turn at an intersection near my local Trader Joe’s, I realized that I won. I’ve won a lot. And as much as I want to quantify my accomplishments by comparing them to others (I’ve run a marathon, but I’ve only run a sub-5 hour and not a sub-4 hour; I’ve published a book, but it’s not a bestseller and it’s not the book that everyone is talking about), I know that what I’ve done is enough. It’s enough for me.

And at the end of the day–this day, in particular–I realize that I do have a a life that’s good.